I murdered the dance floor call the cops
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
