ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dear god my vagina.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
