Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He felt like a one man threesome
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
