I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
