I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
why does every cop we meet know your name?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
