the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
