what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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