i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
