Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
