If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
