i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
