legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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