My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
