just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
