she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
