After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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