Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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