I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
