Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
