Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
