the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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