My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He has the fingertips of a God
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