I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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