I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
