Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
