I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she smelled like a LAN party
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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