my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
