I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
