do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
