the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
