Define "chronic" masturbator.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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