I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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