Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ttyl tear gas
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
