i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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