How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
