her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
