i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
