Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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