If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
