I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
