I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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