Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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