I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
