I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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