all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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