there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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