I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
