You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
