Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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