she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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