How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
