dude i'm inner monologue high
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
