when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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