I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
