And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
