I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
